Is your current identity holding you back?

What IS your identity?

We could start with the basics, the roles you play in different areas of your life:

In relational terms:

• Partner

• Parent

• Child

• Sibling

• Grandchild

• Cousin

• Friend

• Neighbor

• Community Member

In work terms:

• Coworker

• Boss

• Employee

• Committee Member

• Job-specific title: Teacher, Writer, Healer, Coordinator, Nurse, Artist, etc.

Then in descriptive terms about YOU specifically.

There can be areas of your life where you’re crushing it:

You consider yourself:

• organized or

• healthy or

• good at budgeting or

• connected to friends or

• a rockstar parent

And then there are the areas where you’re like -

FREAKING DANG IT! WHY AM I LIKE THIS??? UGGGGGGH.”

And that’s where we get into these kind of descriptors:

You consider yourself:

• lazy or

• too emotional or

• needy or

• passive or

• easily angered or

• desperate or

• OMG - LATE, AGAIN (?!?!) or

• just massively stuck

Each of these descriptors is an IDENTITY you hold about yourself.

And frankly sweet pea, some of them are faulty misinformation. And your hardcore belief in them is holding you back.

But we’ll get back to that.

When I had my Zumba fitness business, there were people who would come to my classes and say "I am NOT a dancer.”

Um.

False.

They danced.

They were definitely dancing right there in front of me, class after class.

But in their mind, they were not dancers.

Okay, maybe they weren’t one of JLo’s backup dancers.

BUT NEITHER WAS I.

And I consider myself a dancer.

So what’s the difference?

Then there were people who said they were NOT athletes.

But ya’ll, my classes were not easy.

They were what I call, ATHLETIC.

And those so-called non-athletes showed up class after class and did all the moves.

Guess what?

They grew stronger. They grew leaner. They grew more coordinated.

They became more athletic, some might say…

But according to them, even after years at my class, they were still not athletes.

But what if they DID think of themselves as athletes?

What if the non-dancers thoughts of themselves as DANCERS?

How would their experiences have been different?

And that brings me to the crux of today’s post folks —

HOW are you thinking about yourself, and HOW is that holding you back?

Let me ask you something.

Wait!

Let me magic wand your inner child first:

*waves wand* and mutters: *bubble of protection around your sweet, younger self*

Okay, we can go on.

As I was saying, when did you learn and then decide to agree with your negative identities?

You were most likely pretty young, yes?

So think for a moment, who was it who said:

“YOU are not a dancer,” or

“YOU are not an athlete” or

“YOU are not an artist” or

“YOU are not a __________ (writer, leader, healthy person, tech-savvy person, WHATEVER)?

or even worse…

Who was it who said:

“You’re ugly…”

“You’re hopeless…”

“You’re worthless…”

“You’ll never succeed… “

“You’ll never recover from this…”

**DEEP BREATH FOR ALL OF THAT**

Mwrawrrrr… shake it off…

First of all, that’s all b.s.

Let’s just make that much clear.

Often times the INITIAL bestower of faulty information was an authority from childhood.

Not necessarily a mean adult (although sometimes a big, freaking jerk of a human), but usually just some person who said,

“Mmm… you’re not really softball material,” or

“Maybe you should just stick to reading books instead of writing them,” or

“Managing money isn’t really your thing.”

These authorities can come from a well-meaning place. (We're still omitting the jerk humans here.)

Most likely these adults were doing the best they could, even if what they said really sucked.

But if you’re a child and they’re an authority and you believe what they say? Then those words can turn into beliefs and those beliefs can hold sway over you for years.

If someone told you someone about yourself and those words landed in a way that felt traumatic to you at a young age…

If they really sunk in and stuck…

Then those same words may ALSO have been repeated over and over to you in life as you grew older.

Because that’s what happens with trauma until it’s healed.

It turns into a pattern.

And that PATTERN just affirms what you were told when we were younger,

It starts to feel like:

“See? THIS KEEPS HAPPENING. The things they said MUST be true and I'm not good enough, smart enough, fast enough, athletic enough, pretty enough… “

Except, it’s still not true.

Here’s the truth:

The only person who gets to decide what your identity is, is you.

YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS TO DECIDE!

HALLELUJAH!

And since you are the only person — seriously THE ONLY PERSON — who gets to decide WHO you ARE, why not choose a positive identity that will help you move forward?

And yes you can wake up tomorrow and decide to be different.

It's your life.

You can change your identity ANY TIME YOU WANT.

I realize this is easier said than done because you may be working against years of programming.

But here's a starter course:

If someone a lonnnnng time ago told you that you were lazy or ugly or worthless or not a real writer or never going to amount to anything... here’s what you do.

Now this is highly technical so listen carefully.

You say…

EFF THAT NOISE.

What that person said years ago is what you call an opinion.

And other people’s opinions of you - hear me on this - DO NOT MATTER.

Again…

EFF THAT NOISE.

You get to decide whether what is actually true for you or not.

If you had a tendency towards being shy when you were younger, you can be gregarious now.

If you were never an athlete and then at forty, decided to do triathlons, you can be an athlete now.

If you’ve always struggled with being on time, you can be fifteen minutes early every time now.

YOU GET TO DECIDE WHO YOU ARE.

And then once you make that determination.

WHO YOU ARE IS HOW YOU WILL SHOW UP IN THE WORLD.

It’s a flip of a switch really.

So pick identities that support you, that elevate you, that light you up and help you live the life you WANT to live in this world!

You are GOING to act in a way that matches how you think of yourself.

So pick something good.

To recap!

When you start thinking of something demeaning someone said to you years ago or if someone says something rude to you today or if you're in the habit of saying something mean to yourself(!)

What do we say friends…?

EFF.

THAT.

NOISE.

*wink*

Now, this is a very short (and sassy) primer on how to deal with shifting your self-concept from the negative to the positive, but there are more lasting ways to quiet your inner critic, get yourself unmoored from old belief systems, and build a dreamy dream life.

That’s what I do with my clients.

For now, keep your self-concept POSITIVE and geared towards the way you WANT to show up in the world.

What identity are you going to switch from and what identity are you going to switch to?

Let me know in the comments!

Until next time,

Rebecca*