Why being nice can be so dangerous (a cautionary tale)

(Trigger warning: This post contains some reference to abuse.)

The tricky thing about intuition in this country (or frankly any country where being a “nice” girl is a cultural norm), is that when something feels off, it can be hard to know what to do about it.

It doesn’t feel kind or polite or acceptable to be like,

“Dude. You're scaring me. I don’t like it. Pull over and let me out of this car right now.”

Or

“I know we were invited here and they’re really excited that we’re here, but this crowd creeps me out. Let’s go.”

Or

“Hm… I don’t know what this new guy’s deal is. He seems nice? I guess? I just don’t trust him.”

Let me tell you a story.

I have a client, let’s call her Jaime.

(Some of the details of this story have been changed to protect my client.)

Jaime started seeing this guy.

He was clean-cut, sweet, always paid on their dates, had a good job, treated her and others politely and courteously, and seemed to really be into her.

We had been working on developing her intuition for a few months at this point and when we talked about him there was something about this guy that just didn’t add up for her.

She didn’t have any clear reason to stop seeing him.

She couldn’t put her finger on what it was to say “That's the thing! That’s what’s wrong!”

Heck, he made her smile and laugh and kept referencing a future together with her.

But her intuition kept nagging her.

After a few weeks, she decided that—regardless of why—she really didn’t trust him.

She knew from her training that even vaguely not trusting him was a good enough reason to stop seeing him.

She ended it quickly and painlessly; painlessly because she hadn’t gotten too invested.

Fast forward a few months:

Jaime gets a message on her phone that says it’s from the guy… but it’s NOT from the guy.

It’s a text from his girlfriend of five years who just went through his phone.

He had been cheating on his long term girlfriend with several women, Jaime being only one of them.

Jaime was floored.

She knew something was up, but this?

She also found out that this guy was not the good-natured, clean-cut man she’d thought he was, but actually abusive and scary.

After the initial shock wore off, Jaime realized that if she hadn’t trusted her instincts and exited the situation when she did, she could have ended up in an incredibly dangerous situation.

This guy was clearly skilled at saying all the “right” things to get what he wanted, but something about him felt super off to Jaime and she knew it.

She trusted herself and used her intuition to protect herself in the long run.

What if she had kept giving him the benefit of the doubt over and over and OVER again?

Ya know, to be a “nice, understanding, good-natured woman".

this happens so often.

women do this.

we've been trained to choose nice and polite instead of what feels right for us.

We gotta stop this cultural training of being nice to “protect someone else’s feelings”.

I’m telling you this story because intuition is one of the best tools we have to take care of ourselves as womxn: individually and collectively.

We need our intuition at its sharpest and most accurate more than ever in this world.

If you’ve ever been in this situation where something felt off, but you didn’t feel brave enough or certain enough to know what to do, sign up to hear about my Intuitive Rockstar mini-course as soon as it's available.

It's the first step in really getting your intuitive defenses back on point.

Sign up here.

There’s no commitment and you’ll get access to the early bird pricing.

Listen y'all.

I teach women how to trust themselves for ALL KINDS of important reasons.

I want you to make more money, do work you love, get in a loving relationship, follow your creative heart, be healthy, feel more alive, truly live out your potential...

But this reason is so close to my heart.

I want you safe and sound.

Being intuitive will help you in this area. Hands down.

It won't solve all the world's safety problems for womxn, but it's a start.

Do you have questions about the course or about doing more personalized work in this area?

Reply to this email.

In the meantime, I'm sending you confidence and self-trust, and love this week. <3

Big hugs,

Rebecca*