Are you being true to yourself?

I don’t know when authenticity became such a easily tossed around buzzword, but somewhere in the 8,000 blog posts, articles and books on self help I’ve read, I feel like it lost its oomph for me.

Authenticity defined—in the self help sense—means “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character… “ (Merriam-Webster), but I feel like being authentic in that manner can be tough to figure out.

If you’re striving to live an authentic life, but you don’t know what authentic is for you—"being true to your own character" can feel like a mystery.

So I’ve started using a different definition of authentic to determine whether the life you’re living is true to you:

Authentic means: Not false or imitation. REAL, ACTUAL.

I want you to think about your life for a moment.

Think about a normal workday - your routine - your responsibilities - your interactions with others.

Now think about a normal weekend day - your downtime - your household chores - your social time - your rest.

Now I want to think about all the times during your day when you are totally faking it.

When you’re being a phony.

When you’re lying to yourself or to others.

When you’re pretending.

Now I want you to think about WHY.

Is it because you don’t feel safe?

Is it because it’s a habit to buck and smile when you’re miserable?

Is it because you don’t want to cause a scene?

Is it because you don’t know who you are and so your true response is well… unknown at this point?

I know me calling you a phony and a liar can set off all kinds of internal triggers.

But listen.

We all lie to ourselves.

We sometimes lie to each other.

We all do it.

At least in the U.S., it’s part of our culture to a certain degree.

The question is where, how, and why are you not being true to yourself—AND—how much different or better or real would your life be if you WEREN’T pretending?

If you were just like, “THIS IS ME. This is how I feel today. This is what I think.”

I’ve spent a good portion of my life pretending.

I’ve pretended about my sexuality.

I’ve pretended I was more well-off than I am.

I’ve pretended to be fine with what someone was saying (to keep the peace).

I’ve pretended that I wasn't hurt.

I’ve pretended that I wasn't scared.

I’ve pretended that I wasn’t sad or disappointed or confused.

And in each one of those situations, I lost an opportunity to share my truth, to stop being fake for a moment, to be truly seen and heard and vulnerable, to connect and teach something or learn something.

And when you have that opportunity to be 100% truthful in the moment and you feel courageous enough to seize that moment, that is when your authenticity begins to shine forth.

So.

Where are you pretending in your life?

At work?

Do you hate your inane cubicle job and long for something completely different?

At home?

Do you wish you lived in a big city and your suburban life is starting to feel like Pleasantville?

In your relationship?

Are you in a dead-end partnership that you KNOW isn’t really the one and you KNOW you’re unsatisfied?

In the bedroom?

Are you having sex? Is the sex good or just kind of meh? The bedroom is one place where people pretend ALL THE TIME. (And y’all. You really don’t want to be pretending with sex.)

At your place of worship?

I grew up watching grown men sleep through my hour-long church service week after week. Come on now. Why go? Be HONEST with yourself.

With your friend group?

Are you still hanging out with a social group you’ve outgrown?

With your family?

I know this is a tricky one.

With your health?

Oooh, man. We tell ourselves all KINDS of lies when it comes to our physical bodies. I’m in this camp too.

It’s a lot to consider, right?

My friends say that I tend to drop some truth bombs.

I’ll try to drop this one lightly…

We pretend that we will live forever, but we could transition from this life into the next at any time.

With that starkly in mind, is your current job, partner, sex, home, life really the one you want?

No more pretending folks.

It’s time to get your power back and let your truest self shine.

Now listen.

If you can’t make a HUGE change toward what’s true for you right now, can you start making baby changes in one area?

Can you at least start thinking it over?

Can you start by admitting it to yourself?

If you need help being true to who you are and what you really want, I can help.

I’ve been busy expanding the ways you can work with me.

I’m SO excited to share what I’ve come up with.

More info on that coming your way soon. <3

Until next week love,

Rebecca*