Three ways to know if you’re soul sick

Soul sick.

If you’ve ever experienced being soul sick, just seeing those words may bring up more of a visceral reaction in your body.

Let me tell you what I think being soul sick means:

It’s the feeling of doing something that is WAY out of line with your values and/or your soul’s calling.

I think it’s easier to grasp with examples.

Example 1: going to school for accounting because your dad insisted you become a CPA instead of pursuing filmmaking. You find yourself going to work in a miserable stupor for years.

Example 2: marrying someone of the opposite sex when you know you’re gay because you’ve been conditioned to follow a heteronormative path. You become depressed eight years in because you’re not being honest with yourself or anyone else.

Example 3: living in the same small town you grew up in, hanging with the same group of friends you went through school with, and feeling like you’re living a groundhog’s day existence. You know you’re meant to live in a big city, work in academia, and meet lots of new, interesting people. Instead you find yourself walking dead-eyed through your days.

Example 4: getting a high-powered, prestigious job on Wall Street, working sixteen hour days, managing stress with alcohol and sometimes cocaine, and not seeing your family much at all. Secretly you’ve been dreaming about wanting to quit the job, move off the grid, grow your own food, spend your days with your partner and kids, and be true to your nature. Instead you stumble through your days, numb and exhausted.

Have you lived something similar to one of these examples?

Soul sickness can present as situational depression, as numbness, as apathy, as chronic anxiety.

It can feel like you’re faced with a situation day after day—at work, at home, or both—where you’re having to force yourself to do something that feels inherently wrong for you.

Soul sickness can have you longing to BE someone else.

Oftentimes that feeling is a signal that the identity that you’re living does match up with your true identity.

So how do you know if you’re soul sick?

The top three ways to know if you’re soul sick:

#1 You have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, potentially big things, on a daily basis.

I’m not talking about tedious chores like doing the dishes or folding the laundry. I’m talking big stuff. Not wanting to see your spouse at the end of the day (over and over again). Dreading going to work pretty much every day. Feeling sick when you bill a customer because the company you work for feels shady. You don’t want to do it. You hate it. You have to force yourself to do whatever it is. It feels awful.

#2 The identity you’re living doesn’t match who you feel like you really are.

Nothing is more upsetting to your inner being than being identified as something you are not. Think about your political affiliation? How quickly would you want to correct someone who misidentifies your political affiliation? What if you lived in an environment where you were forced to take on that political affiliation and vote, live, and work according to those party-line choices?

You would feel sick, right? Doesn’t matter which party it is, most people’s political party affiliation is a large part of who they are.

I firmly believe that people who identify as trans go through years of soul sickness until they are accepted, valued, and loved for being their true identity.

When you don’t get to BE WHO YOU ARE (an artist, a writer, a queer person, an introvert, an agnostic, an entrepreneur), soul sickness can creep in and takeover.

#3 You’re doing things that are even moderately out of line with your values.

What do you care about? Animal welfare? Environmental protection? Social justice? Equity in education? Think about what’s really important to you.

Now think about any job that goes directly against what you care about. Imagine if you had to do that work every day? Yep. I bet you almost feel instantly soul sick just thinking about it, right? Doing anything that goes against your values will feel wrong to the point of deep dissatisfaction, despair, and sometimes physical illness.

Now… there may be other things that cause soul sickness for you, but these three are the big ones.

OK.

You’ve identified that you’re soul sick, so what do you do now?

If you know that you’re living a life that’s making you soul sick, then it’s time to start making some changes.

In short, you’ve got to get yourself OUT of the bad situation sooner than later and INTO a situation that feels more in alignment.

That doesn’t mean you need to immediately move from your soul-sucking toxic job to your absolute dream job. (Not if it’s going to keep you stuck for another 18 months while you figure it out).

No.

I mean start investigating what’s ACTUALLY going on.

What exactly is making you soul sick?

If it’s work related, is it the workplace or the department or your boss or the actual job?

If it’s relationship related, is the problem something you can talk through with your partner? Do you need couple’s therapy? Or is some unhealed trauma being repeatedly triggered by your partner? Or do you just need out?

Perhaps it’s a combination of things that are making you soul sick?

Or—it could be that there’s something else you REALLY want to be doing and you’re blaming your work or your relationship or the town where you live because it’s less scary than going for what you really want to be doing?

I don’t know.

Every situation is different.

But I know you can figure it out.

If you need help sussing out what exactly is going on for you and what you need to do next, here’s what I recommend:

• Talk to your therapist. If you don’t have a therapist, shop around until you find you really jive with. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings, you need a good match.

• Then, talk to your coach. Hire one if you don’t have one already and make sure that she really gets you and can help you transition out of the mire and into a better place.

• Talk to your partner and/or family members about your escape plan. Make sure they are on board with what you need to do to take care of yourself.

And there here are some bonus steps:

Start meditating.

Tune into your intuition.

Talk to your guides daily.

You can’t overdo it with the self care here.

In my experience, soul sickness can precede other sickness, so please take action to start living a life that feels good to you.

When your soul is happy and fulfilled you really can live a highly satisfying and joyous life. <3

More next week love,

Rebecca*