How to use the power of YES and NO to get unstuck

I'm so excited about today's topic!

But before we begin... you know in corporate America, that phrase "Yes Man." Well, I want you to strike that association from your mind for this blog post. Will you do that for me?

"Yes Man" brings up all kinds of negative connotations and that is NOT what I'm talking about here today.

Grrrrreat! Let's get started.

Today I'm going to talk about some habits of being that may be keeping you stuck.

People talk to me about feeling stuck all the time.

(It's the worst, man.)

It's our natural state to be in flow... for things to be working out... for life to feel really good.

So being stuck feels unnatural.

When we're feeling stuck, we're usually in a loop. We're inside our comfort zone, circling the perimeter, knowing we need to do SOMETHING - OUT THERE - but we don't know what to do or can't get ourselves to do it.

I find that people fall into two groups when it comes to feeling stuck:

Group One: Your comfort zone is staying with what you know. You like your routine. You like things a certain way. You don't like to take too many risks. It's the known that feels comfortable for you.

Group Two: Your comfort zone is all about trying new things. Doing the same thing can feel boring or tedious. Adventure and excitement and novelty feel really good. It's the new that feels comfortable for you.

Most people have areas of their lives where they fall into group one and areas where they fall into group 2.

So!

When you're feeling stuck, that often means it is time to do something differently. The same thing isn't working any longer.

Doing something new or adventurous is a risk for group one. Committing to doing something repetitively day after day is a risk for the group two.

I think when people think of risks, the mind brings up visions of bungee jumping or quitting your job and sailing around the world or telling that friend you've had a crush on for years that you're into them.

But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about regular, incremental, slightly uncomfortable actions that are about an inch or two outside your comfort zone.

And that risk can look like anything you're not used to doing.

If you're feeling stuck, it's usually because you have an idea in your mind of what you want, but you haven't figured out how to get there yet. (And it's driving you crazy.)

I've noticed some trends when it comes to stuckness:

For Group 1 folks - those who feel comfortable with the known: you are more in the habit of saying No to things than you are in the habit of saying Yes to things. You have very strong boundaries about what you're willing to try. It can sometimes lead to a small life.

Usually for this group, there is a quiet need for adventure that only trying new things will bring. There is a deep feeling of joy in discovering how strong and resilient and potentially skilled in new areas you are, but you have to get PAST the anxiety and discomfort of the unknown to get there.

For Group 2 folks - those who comfortable with the new: you are more in the habit of saying Yes to things than saying No to things. You struggle with wanting to do everything, all the time (F.O.M.O.) and sometimes feel like you're running in circles trying to do it all.

Usually for this group, there is silent longing for satisfaction that only sticking with something for long enough will bring. There is a deep feeling of achievement in creating a daily practice built around something you value doing, but you have to get PAST the anxiety and discomfort of doing the same thing consistently enough to see those results.

So how do you get started getting unstuck from your habitual way of being?

There are a few steps:

Identify ONE area of your life where you feel stuck: health, love, career, finances, spirituality, etc.

Then identify - in that area of your life - which group you fall into: comfortable with the known (group 1) or comfortable with the new (group 2).

ACTION: If you feel more comfortable with the known, it's time to start saying YES to something new in this area of your life - a little something - every day if you can. ESPECIALLY when you habitually you want to say no.

ACTION: If you feel more comfortable with the new, it's time to start savingNO to so many things and focus on and devote some time and energy to one thing.

THIS WILL MOST LIKELY FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. (but also slightly exhilarating because it will be in line with your secret longing)

This action should make your soul perk up and pay attention: "Oh snap! She means business!."

As with almost everything I teach, this is a practice.

Here are some tips to get started:

• Start small.

• Say yes to trying a bite of a food you've never tried.

• Say no to watching a movie you've seen 15 times and write instead.

• Say yes to taking on the responsibility for a limited time project at work.

• Say no to wine tasting for the third time this summer and go to the gym instead.

• Take breaks.

You don't have to take action every single day, but try to incorporate it wherever you can.

Be gentle with yourself.

Perfection is annoying.

Please.

Make mistakes and congratulate yourself on your progress.

Tell someone you trust (TRUST!) what you're doing and ask for support.

Maybe they'll be open to going to do some new things with you or they'll help you stay on track through another day that feels particularly tedious.

Take this coaching into your life and tell me how it goes for you.

It would make me overjoyed to hear about how great your life is becoming.

Big hugs, Rebecca*

PS: Do me a favor? Share this email with someone who needs it. You never know whose life you could change with a simple forward. Thanks for sharing the love.