The trap of familiar discomfort

You know that friend you have who constantly gripes to you about her guy problems or her money problems or her work problems?

You listen patiently. You may even gently offer advice (since she asked for help).

She listens intently, nods even, and then does exactly the same things she’s been doing for years, ending up right back where she started.

It’s maddening, no?

Now, pause for a moment.

< pause >

When are you that friend?

Real talk here, love: we are ALL that friend in some area of our lives.

Maybe you complain about work or your (lack of) fitness habits or your out-of- control spending sprees or your boyfriend’s aggravating obsession with Cheez Whiz and video games—or WHAT HAVE YOU.

And then, once the venting session is over, you do absolutely nothing to change your situation.

It’s WAY easier to see the patterns in our friends and family members than it is to look at the many ways we are ALSO that way in our own lives.

Why the heck do we do this?

Oh gosh, so many reasons.

Subconscious beliefs. Habits. Fear of change. Trying to make changes without help. Trauma. Fear of commitment. Self doubt.

But I think the main reason why we don’t make changes is because our particular discomfort has become comfortable.

And boy, humans love comfort.

We get so used to the feeling of being emotionally neglected by a partner or financially broke or physically in pain or chronically stressed that it creates a deeply rutted and familiar groove in our brain.

Then, even though the situation is still uncomfortable, it’s the devil you know instead of the devil you don’t.

You know?

It’s the trap of familiar discomfort.

Suddenly being uncomfortable is actually a kind of comfort because you’re so accustomed to it.

*cue tiny sad trombone*

So—how do you know if you’re caught in the trap of discomfort?

• You’ve been in this rut for ages

• You complain about it / beat yourself up about it regularly

• You’re stuck and yet you’re also not willing to do what others recommend (or what you already know) to improve the situation

• When it comes down to it, you’re more comfortable not getting what you want than making the changes required to get what you want

(PS: This is a normal, frustrating thing. We’re all experiencing this process in one way or another. It’s how we evolve in this world. Be gentle with yourself, please.)

Now.

In order to make a change in this area, you’ve got to be willing to be uncomfortable in a new way.

I know what you’re thinking, “OH JOY! MORE DISCOMFORT!”

< eye roll >

But listen lovey, this unfamiliar discomfort is your North Star for getting what you want!

The tricky bit is getting yourself to do the newly unfamiliar uncomfortable thing.

And that’s why you need a coach.

No more of this going-it-alone stuff, babe.

And honestly, please don’t go buy some high-priced DIY course or even a group coaching program unless you are SURE that you have the mettle to finish it on your own.

Because you’ll be on your own, sweetie. In those situations it’s largely all on you.

(Most people never even complete half of the courses or group coaching modules they buy and then they wonder why they’re still stuck.)

Just like any athlete, you need someone focused on YOU and YOUR GOALS.

Michael Phelps didn’t try to win Olympic gold by himself.

Can you imagine?

That’d be ludicrous!

His coach was there with him THE WHOLE TIME, frickin’ pool-side.

Now, I’m going to toot my own horn for a moment (and this is out of MY comfort zone) so let me be an example of doing something unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

I’m a damn good coach.

My clients have mega breakthroughs.

Together we work to help them heal so they can write the book or start painting again or quit their loathsome job.

But what makes me the most excited is that they feel empowered and ON PATH by the time we’re done working together.

It’s freaking amazing to witness and an honor to be right there along side them.

Why do my clients end up kicking so much ass?

Because, just like Michael Phelps coach, they have a coach committed to helping them one on one.

Listen.

You need a coach who gets you.

Someone who knows what’s going on with you.

Someone you feel safe with.

Someone you can laugh with.

Someone you can problem solve with EVERY week and make lasting changes in your brain so that you don’t keep repeating the same patterns over and over again.

This change-your-life stuff is monumental work.

But man, is it worth it.

I increasingly see coaches refusing to work one on one with clients or only offering do-it-yourself courses.

Oftentimes, that’s not really what you need.

You need a guide that’s just for you so you can get out of that rut and get where you want to be.

Otherwise that trap of the familiar discomfort will keep you feeling “comfortable” and stuck for years.

If you think you’re ready to get out of the trap of familiar discomfort, I’d love to talk with you. Let’s see if working together is the right next step for you.

Click here to schedule a free 15 minute consult.

And if it feels like a new kind of discomfort to schedule a 15 minute call? Well sweets, that’s your sign to definitely do it.

Follow that North Star baby.

Click here to schedule a free 15 minute consult.

Questions? Email me.

Until next week!

Rebecca*