The myth of Pinterest America

I want to make one thing clear first.

I’m a big fan of Pinterest.

BIG fan.

I have no less than 44 boards, 2,140 Pins, and a LOT of time invested in daydreaming, planning and oohing and ahhhing through the gorgeously crafted images on Pinterest.

My home is a lot cooler because of the images I’ve found on this platform.

People who are WAY smarter and more creative than me have inspired me to do some crazy and amazing projects (#nailedit)

And I find the pins aspirational and inspirational!

Oooh, I wanna try that outfit this summer…

Oooh, that’s an interesting shelf made of books…

Oooh, paleo twix bars?! Okay YES. Making those.

I freaking love it.

But as with most social media apps, there’s a light side and a shadow side to this platform.

NOW JUST HEAR ME OUT.

You don’t have to stop pinning or pining over that perfect Paleo pastry on Pinterest.

I just need wanna bring some consciousness to what looking at Pinterest over time may be silently communicating to you.

Okay?

Okay.

So.

Here’s where things get a wee bit dicey on Pinterest.

Have you ever been to someone’s house where you walk in and think….

“Is this a place where someone actually lives… or is this, like, an Arrested Development type model house and the people who live here are exceptionally clean and tidy squatters?”

BECAUSE EVERYTHING LOOKS PERFECT AND I’M WONDERING IF YOU’RE ALL DROIDS OR WHAT.

You know, things look like…. eerily perfect…

Like a showroom.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

You do right?

Like why is there no trash in the trashcans?

Ever.

And why is there nothing on any countertops?

Ever.

I find it very confusing.

How do you keep your house that way???

And also, HOW do you live like that?

Growing up my mom would always say,

“I like a house that feels a little lived in…”

YES, Mom.

I agree.

Thank you for imparting that wisdom in me so young.

I don’t know if it was that seed that was planted then or if it's just my nature, but I cannot relax in a pristine environment.

I feel stiff.

I feel on guard.

I feel uncomfortable.

And I do not feel at home.

My body never fully relaxes.

I walk around feeling like I’m going to break something or stain something or (very likely) drop something valuable.

Ultimately, I feel like Awkward Brunette Barbie at her mother-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving gracelessly navigating the fine china.

[Sidebar: would someone please tell Mattel that we need an Awkward Brunette Barbie, stat? Because I feel like that would be a big hit.]

This perfect model-home-showroom-type feeling is just one by-product of what I call Pinterest America.

It’s this subtle undercurrent running through our society right now saying…

THIS is what your house should look like.

THIS is what your wedding should look like.

THIS is what your baby shower should look like.

THIS is what your relationship should look like.

THIS is what your makeup should look like.

THIS is what your life should look like.

Organized.

Spotless.

Under control.

Perfect.

And y’all.

Whew.

I feel like it’s an impossible standard.

IM-POS-SI-BLE.

(I said that in Spanish.)

Do you feel like you’re NEVER going to “have it together” because your life doesn't look like a Pinterest post?

Sometimes I do.

I ate my breakfast tacos over the sink this morning.

For example.

(And they were delicious, btw.)

I'm pretty sure that doesn't qualify as "having it all together."

Social media and specifically Pinterest has some part of me believing that SOME DAY I will have it all together.

AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY.

FOREVER.

Exhale...

Here's the thing I have to keep reminding myself of:

Having it all together is a myth.

Please place that on your heart and let it sit there for a bit.

Having it all together is a myth...

The truth is we don’t have control.

The house gets clean.

The house gets dirty.

The kids have a good day.

The kids have a rough day.

The partnership is in a good place.

The partnership is in a rocky place.

The gym visits are routine.

The gym visits are sporadic.

And on and on and on.

The suffering comes in by continuing to believe that we’re going to GET THERE at some point.

To destination Pinterest America.

Where everything not only looks perfect, but it IS perfect.

But y'all.

It’s not going to happen.

That’s just not how life is.

That belief, like social media, is not real.

So… how do you protect your heart and mind with this social media conditioning happening all the time?

How do you balance having some of those things on Pinterest that authentically light you up and still manage to be honest with yourself about when the scales are tipping too far to the side of perfect appearances?

Here's what I've been doing:

1. Recognize when you’re trying to live up to an impossible standard set by someone else. Too high standards are a super highway to pain and suffering. Just starting to pay attention may give you a little breathing room to relax and let things be how they are instead of how someone else says they should be.

2. Be gentle with yourself. Going for a perfect appearance is most likely a coping mechanism rooted in something much deeper than just wanting things to look good. You're okay. You're learning. We're all learning. It's okay. Your therapist may be able to help you unpack this tendency and see what's underneath.

3. Try on some messy, authentic vulnerability. Let friends come over when the house feels like a wreck. Show up to tea with unwashed hair. Let the baby shower be more heart-centered than picture-perfect. You may find your interactions with others in these situations feel refreshingly relaxed, real, and connected.

4. Ask yourself what’s really important in the moment. Does it matter more that the living room stay tidy or that the kids get utter joy out of making a ginormous pillow fort? Does it matter more that everyone is smiling and looking straight at the camera for that family photo or would it be okay if the baby’s crying and you and your partner are laughing and your daughter has her tongue out? Just ask yourself. What really matters here?

5. Keep coming back to truth. Letting your life be how it actually is right now or letting yourself be how you actually are right now is a practice. Most of the suggestions I offer on this blog are practices because changing any aspect of your life is a series of baby steps. You start to change a tiny way of doing things and then life gets messy and you have to recommit to it again. And again. That's normal — and that's also a beautiful and real way to keep showing up for yourself.

We’ve been sold this lie that life is supposed to look a certain way for all of us.

The truth is, life isn’t supposed to look any particular way.

You have options and you get to choose your life because it’s your life.

And you don’t have to choose a particular way because Pinterest has said to do it this way or I’ve said to do it another way.

You get to choose whatever you want.

Just make sure that what you’re choosing lands authentically in your heart, because it’s really only your heart’s truth and happiness that matters.

Tell me, do you struggle with this balance between how things are and how part of you wishes life was? How do you handle it? Does Pinterest help or hinder your growth?

I always want to hear what’s happening for you,

Rebecca*

PS: In case my breakfast tacos comment didn't clue you in, I write these posts as reminders for myself as much as for you, so please don’t think that I (somehow) have it all together. No one has it all together. That myth goes for everybody. <3