Obsessed with being good enough? Try this.

I was channeling for a client a couple of weeks ago and the subject of not feeling good enough came up as something she was struggling with.

Feeling not good enough comes up for a good portion of my clients and it can really be about anything—not feeling good enough to make more money, to be a writer, to have a loving relationship, to get the promotion, to start a business.

It’s a common shamestorm that shows up in at least 80% of my sessions.

I asked another client who was struggling with the same feeling of not be enough:

“When do you know that you will have made it? When will you know that what you’re doing is enough?”

That’s the thing, she said. Never. I keep moving the finish line. 

Whewwwwww.

*gut punch*

Can you relate?

Brene Brown says her research shows that shame shows up in two ways for people:

• Who do you think you are?

• I’m not good enough. 

I’m in the not good enough camp so it makes sense that my clients would largely be in that camp too. 

But here’s the thing that was SO COOL about what intuitively came through when that client mentioned that she kept moving the line.

It’s not about the achievement; it’s about working to your potential in pursuit of the achievement.  

In short, it’s about this CAPACITY you have for greatness—and rising to the challenge. 

When you’re working hard, when you’re giving it your all, when you’re doing what you KNOW you’re capable of doing—those feelings of not being good enough fade into the background.

Because it’s about the courage and the continued effort while you’re working TOWARDS your achieving your goals.

Let me say that again.

It’s not about what you eventually achieve–it’s about the courage you have to go for it and the work you put into getting there.

When you’re really going for it, the final achievement of the goal becomes an afterthought to the PROCESS.

Does that make sense?

Have you ever achieved something big that you didn’t really have to work for? 

How did it feel when you achieved it? 

Did it feel satisfying, exciting, and electrifying? 

Or did it feel lukewarm, shrug-worthy, and largely unremarkable?

(The second, right?)

Now.

Have you ever achieved something that wasn’t necessarily a big deal, but you really had to dig deep to achieve it? 

For example, the first—and only time—I ran a 10k. 

When I finally finished, I did a VICTORY LAP in a PARKING LOT BY MYSELF. 

I poured an imaginary cup of water on my head!

I kissed the ground!

You would have thought I won the New York City Marathon! 

I didn’t win anything tangible like a trophy or money or a title. 

What I did was make PROGRESS on my goals after months of running. 

Now onto you. 

Take the area of your life where you tell yourself that you’re not good enough. Just pick one clear area. Got it? Good. 

Ask yourself these questions about this area of your life:

1. Am I showing up? (i.e. are you doing the exercises, doing the writing, doing the marketing, actually doing THE THING?)
2. Am I working to my max capacity for that day knowing that my best is changing all the time? (i.e. some days you’ll be sick, some days you’ll be on fire—are you doing your best for each scenario?)
3. Am I making continual and steady progress on my goals? (i.e. resistance will have you believing that you have to build Rome in a day. It wasn’t built in a day. But if you show up day after day and work steadily laying brick after brick, it will get built.)

If you’re not doing anything, then start at step one. Then up the ante with steps two and three. 

When you show up and work hard and make progress, you will be doing SO MUCH. 

You will be working to capacity.

And your capacity is GREAT. 

I want you to remember that everybody feels shame. 

Everyone either has the “Who do you think you are?” shame voice in their head or the “You’re not good enough” shame voice in their head.

Everybody.

It’s okay if you have it too. 

The key here is to KNOW that everybody has shame and to show up and DO THE THING every day anyway. 

That’s the key, lovebug. 

That’s when the shame voice starts to fade. 

Okay? 

Until next time,

Rebecca*

PS: Feeling the need for some support? I’ve got a few ways we can work together below. Check ‘em out. <3