Obsessed with being good enough? Try this.

I was channeling for a client a couple of weeks ago and the subject of not feeling good enough came up as something he was struggling with.

Feeling not good enough comes up for a good portion of my clients and it can really be about anything—not feeling good enough to make more money, to be a writer, to have a loving relationship, to get the promotion, to start a business.

It’s a common shame storm that shows up in at least 80% of my sessions.

I asked another client who was struggling with the same feeling of not being good enough:

“When do you know that you’ve made it? When will you know that what you’re doing is enough?”

That’s the thing, she said. Never. I keep moving the finish line.

*gut punch*

Can you relate?

Brené Brown’s research says that shame shows up in one of two ways for people:

1. Who do you think you are?
   

2. I’m not good enough.
   

I’m in the not good enough camp so it makes sense that my clients would largely be in that camp too.

But here’s the thing that was SO COOL about what intuitively came through when that client mentioned that she kept moving the line.

It’s not about the achievement; it’s about working to your potential in pursuit of the achievement.

In short, feeling good about what you’ve done is about working to the CAPACITY you have for greatness.

It’s about rising to the challenge.

When you’re working hard, when you’re giving it your all, when you’re doing what you KNOW you’re capable of doing—those feelings of not being good enough fade into the background.

Because it’s about the courage and the continued effort when you’re doing something that’s hard.

Let me say that again.

It’s not about what you eventually achieve–it’s about the courage you have to go for it and the work you put into getting there.

When you’re really going for it, the final achievement of the goal becomes an afterthought to the PROCESS.

Does that make sense?

You celebrate an achievement differently when you’re giving it your all than when you’re half-assing it. Right?

Have you ever achieved something big that you didn’t really have to work for?

How did it feel when you achieved it?

Did it feel satisfying, exciting, and electrifying?

Or did it feel lukewarm, shrug-worthy, and largely unremarkable?

(The second, right?)

Now.

Have you ever achieved something that wasn’t necessarily a big deal to anyone else, but you really had to dig deep to achieve it?

For example, the first—and only time—I ran a 10k.

When I finally finished, I did a VICTORY LAP in a PARKING LOT BY MYSELF.

Y’all. It was HILARIOUS.

You would have thought I won the New York City Marathon I was so excited.

I broke THROUGH something that day.

There was no one around to witness it.

There was no one cheering me on.

I didn’t win anything tangible like a trophy or money or a title.

What I did was make PROGRESS on my goals after months of running.

I had worked UP to it.

I had done something HARD for me.

I had done something hard for me many days in a row culminating in a 10k run.

Let me tell you: I felt freaking GOOD that day.

I also felt like that was enough.

Like I was enough.

On all the days where I ran far fewer miles than a 10k (that’s approximately 6.2 miles), I would check in with myself and intuitively see how I felt.

Some days two miles was all I could do: and that was enough.

Some days I did more: and that was enough.

The point is PROGRESS.

PROGRESS on something that is HARD and something that MATTERS to YOU is the POINT.

When does the not good enough gremlin talk sneak in for me?

It’s when I’m sitting squarely in avoidance about something important.

It happens when I don’t show up.

Now—back to you.

Take the area of your life where you tell yourself that you’re not good enough.

Just pick one area.

Got it? Good.

Ask yourself these questions about this area of your life:

1. Am I showing up? (i.e. are you doing the exercises, doing the writing, doing the marketing, actually doing THE THING?)

2. Am I working to my max capacity for that day knowing that my best is changing all the time? (i.e. some days you’ll be sick, some days you’ll be on fire—are you doing your best for each scenario?)

3. Am I making continual and steady progress on my goals? (i.e. resistance will have you believing that you have to build Rome in a day. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But if you show up day after day and work steadily laying brick after brick, it will get built. Baby steps are powerful as long as you keep stepping.)

If you’re not doing anything yet, then start at step one.

Just start showing up.

Even if it’s hard.

ESPECIALLY if it’s hard.

When you show up and work hard and make progress, you will be doing more than enough.

You will be working to capacity.

The key here is to KNOW that everybody has shame that we’re all dealing with every damn day.

Your job—all of our jobs—is to show up and DO THE THING anyway.

That’s the key, love bug.

That’s when the shame voice gets quieter.

Okay?

YES!

Sending you SO MUCH goodness for the rest of your week!

Rebecca*

PS: Thank you to all of you for helping to spread the word about the work I do. I see you and your referrals. I appreciate you sharing the love. Please, keep it coming! Thank you. <3