Why I want your new year to be messy.

Tomorrow we will begin 2020.

Yet as we move into January I can feel the energy building around making resolutions.

Frankly, I think resolutions are kinda bogus.

To me, they end up feeling hollow.

As some of you may know, I worked in fitness for years, and like clockwork, classes were brimming with students in January but had largely petered out by the third week in February.

So - this year - I'm going to encourage you to NOT MAKE A RESOLUTION.

Or specifically, to not make a tidy, superficial resolution that doesn't have depth to it.

This year I want you to dig deeper and that means getting a little messy.

Sweet pea, I don't want you to go into the New Year all Pinteresty perfect-like, especially if that means you're TRYING to be something you're not.

Nothing is harder on your soul then faking it for appearance's sake.

Here's what I want to encourage you to do instead.

I want you to try a messy resolution.

I recognize this may be easier said than done (especially since you don't know what the heck I'm talking about yet - "Messy??") - but just stay with me here.

I come from decidedly TIDY stock. Cleanliness was definitely next to Godliness in my grandmother's home (still is).

I learned very early that:

• You don't go to bed without a clean kitchen.

• You do the cleaning so you can relax, and for that reason, it's hard to feel relaxed until things are clean.

• You pull yourself together before you go out into the world.

• You have manners.

• You have standards.

• If you can do better, you do better.

These are honestly wonderful rules to live by in many ways, and I'm grateful to have had them encouraged from both a nature and a nurture standpoint.

Let me tell you where this programming makes things go off the rails though: When I want to try something new.When I want to do something hard.When I want to be creative.And last but not least, when I want to post on social media (or promote anything) - especially for my business.

Here's the thing:

Doing something new, hard, and/or creative is usually a big, hot mess.

AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

Doing something new as an adult makes you feel (and look) like a baby giraffe on wheels. (i.e. COMPLETELY IN CONTROL, supremely cool, and coordinated!)

None of us want to look like we don't know what we're doing, so OF COURSE we don't want to be messy!

I've noticed that especially around resolution time, we get ULTRA TIDY (i.e. unrealistic) about our goals.

Here are some examples of some tidy goals with some reality caveats attached:

• I'm going to go to the gym five days a week before work (even though I haven't been to the gym in two years).

• I'm going to stop drinking wine every night (even though I hate my job, feel suffocated by my home life, and don't have any other coping mechanisms...)

• I'm going to give up ALL sweets until I hit my goal weight (even though my blood sugar is off balance and I'm dealing with a pretty intense sugar addiction...)

If you can take any of your resolutions and add an even though phrase next to them that makes them nearly impossible to achieve, you've got an overly tidy, superficial resolution that will fall flat within weeks.

I want more for you, love.

Now.

You CAN take your tidy goal and make it messy by looking underneath it.

Here's my definition of messy: Honest Vulnerable Doing your best Not pretending

Often very real

Okay sweets. Let's look at these tidy goals again and get more REAL about them. Okay?

TIDY goal: I'm going to go to the gym five times a week.

MESSY goal: I'm going to start working with my therapist about my feelings around exercise, gyms, and getting potentially unwanted attention if my body changes.

See what I did there? We just got all the way real, y'all. And it's in the REALNESS that you start to gain traction.

Let's do another!

TIDY goal: I'm going to stop drinking wine every night.

MESSY goal: I'm going to try an AA group and see if it's right for me.

Yep. Real.

One more!

TIDY goal: I'm going to give up ALL sweets until I hit my goal weight.

MESSY goal: I'm going to find a nutritionist that helps me with my blood sugar levels and a support group that helps me balance eating with my unmet spiritual and emotional needs.

Duuuuuuuuude.

Real - ra real real REAL-NESS. Real work. Real traction. REAL LIFE.

One of the things I love about going into this new decade is that we keep EVOLVING.

And with that collective evolution, some of the the things we used to do - like making hollow resolutions because that's what everybody does and therefore that's what I'm supposed to do - just doesn't cut it any longer.

The truth is - I know you DO want to get to the gym or stop drinking the wine or stop eating so many sweets.

But making some kind of picture perfect resolution is just going to leave you feeling like you failed.

Ugh.

We can't expect a simple solution to work on a complex human. We have to dig deeper.

I don't want you to worry about setting yourself up for success.

I want you to set yourself up for PROGRESS.

Because nothing feels better than teeny, tiny steps forward in the right direction.

Now - the amazing thing about getting messy about your goals? When you dig in to what's really happening in your life, you will start to make progress.

And that progress will spill over in a delightful way to other areas of your life.

Being more honest with yourself will make you more honest with your friends, your partner, your parents, your siblings.

When you stop pretending with yourself, you can exhale and stop pretending on social media.

When you stop demanding excellence and give yourself room to do your best, you get out of resistance and into LIVING.

When you leave room for joy in your personal growth, you see the sweetness in tiny, daily interactions.

It's a beautiful and joyous progression.

2020... a time of glorious ascension and a time to dig in and love that gorgeous, complex human that you are.

Be courageous. Get messy. Baby steps, love.

Big, warm hugs to you from one delightfully messy human to another, Rebecca*